When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt very depressed and hopeless. I felt frustrated with the medical care she was receiving and felt her complaints about her symptoms were met with deaf ears. I decided to start my own research on everything from medicines to food and exercise plans to help my mom stay healthy. I started by researching all the treatments for cancer, and I at first became very scared to know all of the possible side effects or risks with each of the treatments. However, as I dug through all of the information, I felt more empowered to ask questions to doctors. Why was she receiving this treatment when I had researched that another treatment was the standard of optimal care? Finding the time and strength to check all of the medicines and options can be a heavy burden for caregivers, but it gives you an authoritative voice to express concerns and alternative opinions to your care team. I found especially helpful all of the information in research studies about how foods like kale, broccoli sprouts, and pomegranate can all help cancer patients reduce their chances of recurrence of tumors as well as keep their strength up for treatment. Every time my mom received blood tests, I would see which of her blood counts were too low and I would look up which foods could help increase that blood count. It was a great system, and often nurses and doctors commented that my mom’s hemoglobin was at such a great count, my secret was a high protein, low fat diet of chicken, fish, and eggs to help my mother keep up her strength.
Another important recommendation I have is to always end the day on a high note. We had many appointments when we received horrible news or the hospital staff had treated my mom really poorly. She would be so upset, and so I would take her to a bakery, go window shopping, or simply take her to a new marketplace as she loved cooking new recipes – even if she did not want to. I did not want her to feel isolated from the world, or as though she had to hide, or reflect on only the negative things that had happened. We would replace some of the harder memories with something fun and come back home in a great mood because we rewarded ourselves even when we felt very sad from our experiences at the hospital. I would also recommend to write down all of your loved one’s negative side effects from their illness or medicine. At many of our appointments, my mom would feel embarrassed to bring up her symptoms or feel she was complaining too much. I would have to make sure I brought up her symptoms to make sure they were addressed and to make my mom feel more assured that her symptoms were important to address and no one should feel any barrier to their hospital staff to have to prove anything besides communicating a pain or discomfort. This is not an easy task, and it is draining on both the caregiver and the loved one, but we each persisted.
Above all I would recommend to be the voice of reason, the voice of support and the terminally optimistic to make sure your loved one feels empowered no matter what they are going for. The founder of PBF said to me once something that always comforted me, the human body is amazing in how it can go through so much illness and treatments and yet still recover. Believe in yourself and believe in your loved ones, you can do this!
